In Dubai, I can say that I mostly live the expat life. This means that although I’m Saudi and from this region, my lifestyle is not exactly similar to that of most local or Arab people. Since I’m single and living alone, I get the opportunity to explore the places and do the activities that I choose to do. I spend my free time doing things that I usually plan in advance with my expat friends. Yes, most of my friends are expats from different nationalities and backgrounds. And most importantly, I get to meet new people on a regular basis. I think that one of the great aspects of living in cosmopolitan Dubai is the possibility to meet and network with people from all around the world, to exchange cultural knowledge and to build an ever-expanding network of friends and business contacts.
Now I can’t complain much, because I’ve always enjoyed being independent and free from my parents’ obsessive controlling ways, but these days, I can’t help but feel exhausted, tired and in a way…hopeless!
Maybe it’s the accumulated stress of taking an undergraduate course at a University located at the other end of town from where I live, trying to update the blog whenever I get the chance, and making sure that my Facebook Page stays alive and my followers engaged and entertained.
But lately, I have been feeling an increased sense of loneliness and solitude creeping up on me, I am no longer enjoying my personal space and freedom as much as I used to, the idea of being single and free doesn’t appeal to me that much, and most of all, I’m fed up and tired of all the responsibilities that come with being single in the city!
Actually, it’s not my first time to talk about this subject, you might remember my post on my visit to a legendary spiritual temple in Hong Kong. While there, I even prayed for a husband and specifically made the prayers on the male statue which is believed to save single women! you can read all about that post here.
They say that you’ll meet that special someone when you stop looking and start doing the things that you love most. Well, that’s precisely what I’ve been doing all of my life! I was never actively looking or putting effort into that area of my life. I was always focused on career and education, and am proud to say that I still am. I constantly had other priorities in life, and still do!
So could it be that that’s the main reason that the Universe still didn’t bring that person my way? that maybe I need to start putting more effort into attracting him into my life? do I need to implement or follow some strategies that will bring us closer together? 😀
Here’s a short video from Sex and the City that summarizes what I’m trying to say in this post (note: the early dating part doesn’t exactly apply to my story):
Of all the elements that being single brings, the one that I mostly despise is having to act as both a lady and a man in one person’s body. By saying this I am talking about the endless responsibilities that come with living alone and having to do everything by yourself. Therefore, if you are ‘the one’ and you happen to be reading this, I would highly suggest that you are prepared for the following responsibilities:
- All technical and computer related issues.
- Handling the payment of utility and services bills.
- All legal matters (anything that requires preparing important documents and submitting them to official entities. Example: Visa application process).
- All rent related issues. These could range from looking for an apartment, to viewing it, to negotiating a contract, to signing the agreement and everything in between.
- Setting up stuff, assembling furniture, connecting electronic devices. (and of course maintenance and fixing when anything goes wrong).
- All travel bookings, hotel reservations and other travel related arrangements.
- Help in grocery shopping and general stuff around the house.
Now that I’ve got that sorted out, I would like to ask you ladies (single, engaged, married): What are your views on being single and emotional stability and security? Do you think that it’s possible to be single and living alone and still feel emotionally stable? how do you cope with loneliness in the city? who do you turn to for moral support? how significant is sharing your life with a partner is to you? at what stage of your life did you feel at your most happy and secure?
And finally, in searching for or finding that special someone, what did you find has worked most for you?
I conclude this post with the ever popular Rihanna and “Where Have You Been”:
A huge thank you to the highly talented photographer at Pink Pepper Photography for the images used in this post 🙂
Stay tuned to my Facebook Page for more images from that fun photo shoot at Pink Pepper Photography studios!
This post reminded me of time when I was single… but let me tell you something… enjoy as much as you can and get the most of out this time… because you will miss it later.
usiddiqi Hi Umar! First of all, thank you so much for the comment! I’m glad to know that you are taking time to read my posts and comment on them too 🙂
I agree, I always make the most of my time and single life by doing all the things that I enjoy doing most. And of course things will be different when you are in a relationship and when you have responsibilities like children to take care of. Then your time becomes shared by others, and not completely yours.
I think my current situation is more of being tired of having too many things on my shoulder, rather than actually being lonely and single. So I basically feel like I could use some help, since I have too many responsibilities to take care of on my own. Also, for emotional well-being, being single AND living alone is unhealthy. Although I spend most of my time outside or keeping myself busy at home!
But I totally understand your point. Another thing for me could also be that my parents were not the type who were showing their support and love. So I always feel like I lack emotional and moral support!
I can assure you that I will not commit to anyone, unless they are capable of giving me the care, moral support and love that I never felt from my parents. Otherwise, I will just remain single for the rest of my life!
As for having children, I’m not so sure about that part. That’s another reason why I’m so complicated!!!
But thanks for your advise! I will definitely take it into consideration, and I do hope that you will read and comment on my future posts too!
Take care and hope to see you soon!
NadaAlGhowainim after going through your complicated dilemma, the only suggestion I can make is that you can look for a boyfriend instead of a husband. I don’t know how much it would resonate with your beliefs but considering you are pretty open minded I can safely assume you would not mind me saying this. The thing is, there is minimum risk involved when you have a boyfriend. If he is not up to your “standards”, you can just break up with him and move on. Yes there might be some emotional stress but overall it’s better than getting stuck with the wrong husband. And you will also get to know how it feels to be in a relationship and whether or not it is really how you thought it would be.
Hi NadaAlGhowainim,
interested to find out how an arab girl also feels. Loneliness is universal problem when you start living a fast paced life away from family and friends. This is very complex subject to discuss and arrive at conclusions. Some time, to get away from loneliness, you take support of shopping, drink,dance, drugs, boyfriend etc., and you tend to end up in other issues. Even, getting married to some one is not a solution to this issue. Whats the guarantee that the person whom you are getting married will keep you happy and doesnt make you feel lonely.
Loneliness is a feeling one develops when he/she is tired of things surrounded by him/her. I would say that loneliness is a very beautiful thing and one gets an opportunity to know oneself through this. He/She understand the needs/desire/goal etc., through this and starts working towards fulfilling it/achieve it. There are many beautiful books which needs to be read during this phase, as these will enlighten the knowledge. The so called, TV/internet doesn’t kill loneliness but increases the urge to be with someone who loves us.
Loneliness something which you should enjoy and doesnt see it as pain. The moment you start seeing this as pain, you will feel miserable and you will find it difficult to cope up the pressure.
By being with good friends and spend quality times with them, try to work for charity organizations or orphanage during the weekends and also read books. Spend sometime with your ownself and i hope you will never regret life lonely.
I understand the difficulties when it comes to doing things on your own where physical efforts are needed but at the end, you get services when you pay, Right?
Hope to see you happy always.
Umar, I highly appreciate your concern and your care to actually help me in my dilemma! It’s so thoughtful of you!
I do agree with your suggestion. However, there is one problem with having a boyfriend. I can explain it to you if we meet in person as I can’t be completely open about certain subjects on my blog. So I would love to catch up with you over coffee one day and we can discuss this. I can explain to you my point and you can share with me your opinion.
I have a couple of weeks off of University these days, so we can meet up any time that you are free. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and personal experience on this topic. It means a lot to me.
Take care and hope to see you soon!
Aw Nada! Well I’m newly single and I couldn’t be happier. I’m only in my late 20s though (old maid in some cultures) so I don’t feel too worried about finding the right guy just yet. I feel emotional stable, perfectly fine, independent, happy.. I do worry about finding the right guy from time to time, seeing as I come across so many that are so wrong.. but I guess it’s like finding a pair of good fitting jeans. Search search search. I thought I was happy in my previous relationship… and I think I was for a large part of it. But I feel even happier now that I’m single which goes to show that even I didn’t know what was better for me at the time.
SarahBurrows Hi Sarah! I’m sorry I just saw your comment! I think I was busy with Uni at that time and I didn’t notice it! I’m glad to know that you feel emotionally stable. I think it could be related to your family as well. If you have a healthy relationship with your family and friends, then there shouldn’t be a problem. My story is a bit complicated.
Anyway, thank you for the comment and the advise! highly appreciated! I am actually planning on making some changes in my lifestyle soon, so that I can have more time to go out and mingle 🙂 The blog was taking way too much of my time with no justifiable return or added value. So, once I’m done with some pending posts, I will take a long break from blogging. Then, gradually I will start to live a normal life! b.t.w. we have to go to an r&b night when I’m done with this term. Thank you for always being there for me and for your lovely comments. Hope we get to meet soon XXX
Being with someone is not a guarantee to end loneliness. In truth, it is a worse kind of loneliness to be with someone and still feels lonely. We are in essence all alone, we are born and we die alone so the best thing to do is to develop a close and intimate relationship with ourselves. Just know you are the best friend of yourself and that yourself deserves your love and attention. Separating from the self through over mingling with others, partying, drinking, etc is the reason one feels lonely and in need of another. I say that through life experience and I live in Dubai alone and I know how it feels but it is much better than being with the wrong person. Now, I found taking care of myself mentally and emotionally is an effective way to reduce loneliness, a connection with your spiritual side also is very helpful. Bottomline, love yourself, its your best company and, in truth, the only one.
Hi Maha,
First, thank you so much for your advise and for your genuine comment! I agree that being with the wrong person is much worse than being alone. Actually, I love spending time alone and I am one of the people who regularly goes to cafes and restaurants and sits alone 🙂 But, I still feel that as we get older, it becomes essential to have a partner…As you live in Dubai, I’m sure you understand how this city can be very lonely. No matter how many friends you have, or how big your social network is. It’s not the same when you have to go by your life and do everything on your own. I have always been independent, and I enjoy that. But, that’s just how I feel at this stage of my life.
I would like to hear more of your views on this…Are you planning to stay single for the rest of your life? It could be a destiny that we can’t escape anyway….
Please follow my blog’s Facebook Page by “liking” it here:
https://www.facebook.com/UndefinedDeclarations
Thanks and I look forward to reading more of your comments on future posts!
Dear Nada,
As a single woman in her 30’s from an ultra conservative culture and family in Pakistan, you cannot comprehend how strongly your blog resonates with me. My reasons for leaving Pakistan are similar to yours, except for one difference: I was married to a man who viewed me as a financial investment/ business decision.
I am on cloud 9 after having successfully divorced him and have been living and working alone in Dubai.
As Maha says above, and you say throughout your blog, spending your life with the wrong kind of people around you is the loneliest feeling in the world. Hats off to you for your courage in taking a very, very difficult decision, one that only a handful of women from our cultures can ever take.
The path you’ve chosen is not easy, but it will lead the way to building your own self respect and self image, and to living life on your own terms
I empathize with your challenges, having faced similar ones while trying to set up a new life here, and am here to offer any support you might need. It’s refreshing to come across someone like you 🙂
Dearest Mahreen,
First off, thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and to comment with your thoughts and views on this topic. It’s always great to hear from people who share your struggles and stories. I’m also happy to hear that you have been able to successfully build a new life in Dubai. I salute you on that, as I know that it can be very challenging.
Thank you so much for your support and for offering to help! That’s so sweet of you. I would love for us to meet sometime soon. Maybe sometime in December when my Uni term ends and I get a break.
You can follow me on my blog’s Facebook Page, so that it will be easier for us to communicate. Here’s the link:
https://www.facebook.com/UndefinedDeclarations
You can find my e-mail address on the “About me” page too. Looking forward to hearing from you again in the near future!
Take care,
Nada – AKA “The Rebellious Saudi Diva”
Hi Hafeez,
I’m sorry it took me ages to reply to your comment. It’s just that this is a painful topic for me and I don’t always feel like discussing it!
Thank you for your suggestions on how to overcome loneliness and for your genuine concern and honest opinion.
I hope that I can make my point more clear in future posts. And although it’s true that you can get services done when you pay, but there are things that you must do completely on your own. And even after getting them done, the pain and impact of the struggle and triumph that it takes to get some things done on your own never really goes away.
I will try to write more posts about this topic in the future. So that I can make my point more clear.
Thanks for your feedback!
Hey Rebellious Saudi Diva
Thank you for this wonderful blog. Sending lots of love and support your way
Will drop you a line, I’m sorry for the late revert but things at work have been crazy lately.
Hopefully we will catch up soon, i know i would love to, so sending u an email
Ok call me stupid but I can’t find your email address in about me
Hi Mahreen,
I apologize, I meant to say that it’s on my “Invite me for a review” page. Here it is:
nada@undefineddeclarations.com
Looking forward to hearing from you…
Hi Nada, have been following your exploits on FB, thanks for pointing out your email, I know I wouldn’t have found it myself!
Dropping u a few lines …
Hi Mahreen!
Thank you for the support on the Facebook page! I really appreciate it. I hope that you will get some rest during Eid. I’m going to be working on my University assignments! But I will check my e-mail and we will be in touch.